Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Lost, forgotten thoughts

I've been searching my mind, heart and soul for an answer to Sigmund Freuds question, "Where does a thought go when it's forgotten?"

What are your beliefs?

Monday, July 22, 2013

Live and Learn

Why do we so many times not believe something until its too late?
Much as Princess Buttercup didn't know her kidnapper was her one true love until she pushed him down the hillside, I too will throw things by the wayside not realizing they are gold.

I mustn't let this happen. Ever again.

I tell myself time after time.

When and how will I learn? I blame my busy lifestyle. I blame all the interesting things I get myself into. All the shiny, pretty, exciting opportunities that present themselves. They also happen to be the golden ticket to losing a friend or potential suitor. The thing is, I wrap my interests and love up with material items and memories. And then thats how I often leave them... just as a memory. I keep waiting for the big one to sting me... and maybe it has. I just haven't seen the effects of it yet. The thing is, those memories and items will never stop loving me. They will never leave until I wish them away. They can't break my heart, and I can't break theirs.

But my most recent confrontation with reality and my loneliness and my selfish actions was yesterday. I liked this guy, but I never really told him because I never thought about how much I liked him. He was smarter than I, he told me a few times that he had strong feelings for me and that he wanted to start proving it. I never let him. I disappeared and found other things to consume my attention. I took it for granted. A month later when I rejoined our group, I found out he was seeing someone else. When I heard the news, after an hour of casually joking around and flirting as our usual friendly selves and I was left with another friend, I felt something I haven't experienced in a while. I felt broken, I felt sad, truly lonely and even sick to my stomach. I lost him.
I didn't know much and I wanted it to stay that way. All I needed to hear was that he was involved with someone. I was crushed. I had to remind myself why, it was my fault. I'm the one who ran away. I can't inflict this on myself again.

Now is my time, I have to be wiser and foresee the outcome of my actions. If I know what I want and the feelings are real, I have to act on them before... its too late.

Have you ever experienced regrets similar to mine?

Friday, July 19, 2013

Weekend Plans

Happy Friday!!
Did this week fly by for anyone else?! Geez, it was Tuesday and then it was Friday before I knew it.

Thank goodness too.

I had happy hour plans this evening with some friends and coworkers, but after spending a lovely short evening with a friend who is in town only for a couple weeks I decided to go on a spare of the moment float trip.

I am beyond excited about this camping float trip. I've been trying to get a group of friends together since Spring with no avail. So finally I get to live the dream of floating on a Mid Missouri River. :)

So bon voyage my dear friends, I will tell you all about next week when I get back.


Enjoy these photos of my last float trip a couple summers ago:

Tuesday, July 16, 2013


She don't hold onto nothin' new for very long
Yeah she writes you in as just one more tale
and then you're gone
'Cause she once fell hard 'cause she dropped her guard 
And no one gets to stay it's just too late

For as much as she stumbled she's runnin'
For as much as she runs she's still here
Always hoping to find something quicker than Heaven
To make the damage of her days disappear


Friday, July 12, 2013

Queen for a Week

I spent a whole week reminiscing. Dreaming of my later teen years, when the world was such a simpler place and my innocence ruled supreme.
Dug my old sash out of my childhood closet and thought I would have a little photo shoot to see if I still fit the part. And yes, yes I do. :)
I even placed the crown upon my head, but I couldn't get myself to wear it for long.  It was a bit weird.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Bon Après Midi

Another summer weekend gone and in the past. July, please dear please, slow down: don't be like June... That brat.
Spent Sunday at a friends pool, it was a sweet French esque house, absolutely beautiful. We had a splash and dive off, we got a bit sun burned.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Feeling Like Summer

 Thank goodness too. Did anyone else feel as though it took 2 years for it to get here? And the weather has finally been cooperating too, at least here in Missouri.

I'm going to play a bit of catch up since I haven't posted in awhile. I've been meaning to, but I wanted to get some editing complete before hand. But that didn't happen- mostly because I got a new computer, oh and I've been terribly busy.

Father's Day was absolutely phenomenal. I met my parents at church, came home and made brunch with the family and then set sail on the pond to fish for the remainder of the day. My father is such a cutie- look for yourself.

Home is truly where your heart is. You don't know where you belong, until you leave it. This is where I belong, not in some city apartment in a bustling neighborhood. Gosh I need to find that man who will take me out of the city. Afterall, that's what is keeping me there. No I'm not desperate, psh.

 I recently got back from Houston, which I will post more about later once I get the photos uploaded and edited from my DSLR. But here is a peek of the awesome week I spent with my distant best friends.

Finally to finish up my current events, it's fair time at Warren County. This fun filled week had such a huge impact on me growing up. I first showed when I was 13, and have shown an able up until I graduated college. I have so many memories from the fair, having grand champion rabbits, to winning showmanship, to wrestling a greased pig and being crowed Miss Warren County 2005.

Well its been 6 years since I've been back to the fair, and let me tell you it was bittersweet. Its so strange not recognizing any of the show kids (back then I knew every 4-H and FFA kid that I competed against). But it is also heart melting when people come up to me and say hello, that they knew me when I was Miss Warren County. Last night I helped at the livestock barn, I assisted in handing out show ribbons, the announcer Mrs Englelage recognized me for returning to the fair to help and volunteer, it really touched my heart to see everyone appreciative. But I say nay, I say THANK YOU to everyone of the exhibitors and parents for all their support for such a great agriculture community. These events today will continuously shape us for the rest of our lives. Raising and showing goats, sheep, rabbits, hogs, chickens and steers has made me the person I am today. It created memories that I will never forget, or want to forget. I cherish this week, and I want to give my children the same experiences.

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